The dreaded D-word has been creeping back into my life lately and I find I’ve been remembering things about the last go around that seem so silly in my more stable mindset. My husband and I were on base this past weekend and I was reminded of an incredibly real, yet oh-so-silly fear I had prior to his last homecoming.
We were running a bunch of errands and happened to drive past the buses, you know the one’s, every military spouse, significant other, family member, fiancee and girlfriend’s best and worst nightmare, pulling into a homecoming. I immediately started grinning and wiping tears from my face, all at the same time.
And then, as we turned the corner, I started giggling. My husband was looking at me, waiting for an explanation, but it was one of those pathetic giggle attacks, where you just can’t do anything except giggle and gasp for air. I finally calmed down enough to say to him, “Those buses just made me remember my biggest fear about your last homecoming. I’ve never told you before because it was so stupid and irrational, but I couldn’t stop worrying about it until I was actually in your arms again.”
I was scared he wouldn’t remember what I looked like. I was scared that he would get off the bus and not be able to find me, even if I was right in front of him, because he literally wouldn’t remember what I looked like.
He just looked at me, did some giggling of his own and asked me if I was serious. I told him that yes, I was serious. We had only been dating eight months prior to him leaving for eight months and I knew he had a lot more on his mind in Afghanistan than the color of my eyes and the length and/or color of my hair. I was petrified that he wouldn’t remember who I was. It was irrational and definitely laughable, but at the time, a very real fear.
I swear the dreaded D-word messes with your mind. I look back on our last deployment and can’t help but laugh at a lot of things and just think, “You silly, silly girl.”
What are/were some of your silly, deployment fears?