Why 2013 Was the Worst and Best Year Ever
Being that this is a military related site, I bet you’re thinking that this article will be something related to deployment or a PCS move. But, it’s not. It’s about something that isn’t exclusive to those in the military- it’s about miscarriage and pregnancy loss.
The first day of the New Year 2013, we found out we were expecting our second child. My husband had been home from his second deployment for six months already, so we had been waiting for those two pink lines for what felt like forever. About a week later I found out, via a very cranky nurse, that I was miscarrying. I got pregnant again five weeks later (hey, he just got home. We were busy!) but again, we miscarried about two weeks after that. My doctor at the time didn’t seem worried.
“It’s a fluke,” she said, “You’re healthy and young. I think its just bad luck.”
Fast-forward to July, we became first time home-owners with a cross-country PCS under our belt, and we were pregnant again for the fourth time. Things were going great, or so we thought. I never imagined in million years that I would have a third miscarriage. I thought I had done my time, had my fair share of crappy news. But at our first ultrasound we found out that I had what is called a blighted ovum. The American Pregnancy Association defines it as;”A blighted ovum (also known as “anembryonic pregnancy”) happens when a fertilized egg attaches itself to the uterine wall, but the embryo does not develop.”
With tears in both my husband and my eyes, along with our almost two year old asking, “Why sad?” we left the doctor’s office feeling betrayed by God and the healthcare system. Needless to say that at that point, I felt like giving 2013 the finger.
Our first pregnancy in 2011 was a walk in the park. I got pregnant a month and a half after my husband returned from his first deployment, and there were never any issues with our daughter. Now I was grasping at straws for what was going wrong. I asked myself, my husband, and our doctors “why?” A thousand times. Over the months of countless doctors appointments, a million blood draws, two surgeries, several ultrasounds, and bottles of medications I learned, well, nothing. No answers, no reason why this was happening. I was mad, heartbroken, and Google became my best friend and worst enemy. At first I had resolved to soak in a pool of sadness. But then, I did what most mil-spouses do when life pushes them down- I bucked up, pulled up my big girl panties, and got moving.
First, I started running again. I had stopped running after my second miscarriage because of my fear that it was causing them. But after the third miscarriage, for which I barely moved,I I told myselfI couldn’t stop the rest of my life because of these hardships. It wasn’t healthy for me or my family. Since August, I have run further and faster than I have ever run before. And thanks to my supportive husband at my side, I have completed my first race with my fastest time. Secondly, I started my own home-based business- something I probably-no, scratch that- DEFINETLY wouldn’t have done if I was pregnant or caring for a newborn. A few short months after I opened my home to clients, I am booked solid and expanding my working days.
The end of 2013 fared much better than the beginning. I will never forget the pain this year brought to me and my husband, and it will always be known as a defining year for that reason. But thanks to my amazing husband and family, I learned so much about myself- physically, mentally, and emotionally. I accomplished goals that my 2012 self wouldn’t believe. Even so, I can’t help but tell 2013 to not let the door hit it on the butt on the way out. Sayonara to 2013 and salud to 2014!