A few weeks ago I was speaking to an old co-worker of mine whom I hadn’t spoken to in over a year. She didn’t know that I had moved, gotten a puppy, gotten married or that most importantly my husband had joined the Canadian Army.
So when she asked what was new I of course told her everything. Her response was unexpected. Not in the typically unsupportive sort of way that you come across occasionally, but in a way that I never could have anticipated.
“So, then you’re not really married.” That was what she said; all because I told her that while my husband was doing his training he would be living 800 kilometers away from me.
There are a number of things wrong with this sentiment, however due to the fact that I don’t live in a military town coupled with the fact that she is in her early twenties and has not had a serious relationship since high school, I am inclined to let it slide. But on behalf of all other military spouses and family members out there I want to take a moment of your time to explain why the meaning behind her words, innocently as they may have been uttered, couldn’t be further from the truth.
Yes – I am really married. I am married so much so that I am willing to sacrifice everything for my husband and his career. I am willing to sacrifice my job, my friends and living in the same city as my family for him. I am willing to chance plans on a dime and rearrange not just my whole day, because the clerks need me to rush some paperwork into their office, but my whole life plan to suit the needs and wants of my husband and his career.
Yes – I am really married. I am willing to follow my husband around the country, possibly around the world, in order to live with him. I am willing to wait at home for the long stretches when he can’t be there, to keep his life running for him outside of his work so that he can focus on keeping himself and those around him safe. I am willing to be a single parent when I need to be and a co-parent when I can be. Most of all I am willing to turn these modes on and off in the blink of an eye and never utter a complaint about it.
So yes, old co-worker of mine, I am really married. Just as much as I will be married when he deploys, when he’s out in the field and when he’s working late nights and weekends. Military spouses may have a different norm to their marriages but we are no less married than anyone else.
In fact I would argue the complete opposite…