I love being pregnant, I really do. Ok, I didn’t love the three plus months of morning sickness but overall it’s been a pretty amazing experience. Biggest downside so far? My husband has been gone for 90% of my pregnancy.
I have those whiny nights when all I want is ice cream or a foot rub, I have had quite a few actually, only I am alone most of those nights. It’s easy to fall into the pity party. Easy to feel alone, sad, cheated, frustrated but that doesn’t help the cravings, doesn’t make my back stop aching, and doesn’t make me feel better. So I get up, get my brownies, bust out my foot spa and laugh, or cry. I just let it out.
Amazing what pregnancy can teach you if you let it. It is teaching me to trust myself more and love myself more. Stretch marks, weight gain and all, it’s teaching me that I can do this. I am realizing just how much I have to learn. I have always thought myself a pretty smart cookie but being pregnant puts you in such a vulnerable state that you have to rely on gut instinct every day, not something most of us do too often. That feeling in your gut that tells you something is wrong or everything is ok has been my savior and the amazing thing is, I trust it wholeheartedly. I can only imagine the things in store for me when this little one gets here.
My husband is my partner, my best friend. It has been hard to have him gone so much but the funny thing is, I am really never alone now. This little girl reminds me all the time with back flips and punches that she is with me that it’s “us” and not “me”. I am so grateful to her for that. Feeling her move around is like having a private conversation with a friend. I am sorry my husband can’t feel that feeling but I am so thankful to have it during the quiet alone times. She has made it so I never feel alone anymore and that was quite the lesson to learn.
I know my husband feels bad he is gone so much. When he is home is tries so hard to make me comfortable even if he just worked his tail off for weeks on end. I am a lucky girl, and this baby is going to be just as proud of her daddy as I am. So I am just going to focus on loving being pregnant, focus on the magic happening every day and let the frustration go. Funny how the lessons we learn are always the ones we most needed to learn.
Onto the next step in this crazy pregnancy ride of mine…a big giant PCS looming in our future…stay tuned.