Deployment/PCS Homefront

Independent Woman?

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I am fast approaching my two-year wedding anniversary and I have learned a few things along the way. Never let your husband procrastinate if you’re an impatient woman. Ask him and ask him and ask him questions before he deploys. Even if they annoy him ask, because when you need those answers and he hasn’t answered you are going to be really mad at him. Befriend a neighbor, a friend in your husband’s battalion or a just go into your yard and acquire a strong branch.

You see, as my husband was gearing up to deploy I asked questions where I seldom got answers. I found myself stuck and in need of a friend, neighbor or that darn branch. Up until I got married I depended, like any unmarried woman would, on myself. I could kill an un-welcomed spider and change the light bulb. I could get from point A to point B without the help of anyone. But that was all until I got married. Now I very much depend on my husband to; kill any bug that gets in our house, pick up our dog’s droppings every couple of days, wash the cars, and, of course, reach for the item that’s on the top of the shelf that I can’t reach. Don’t get me wrong; I could do those things while he’s here. But isn’t it much better to act like a damsel in distress and let your man do it so he can feel like he’s saved the day?!

When my husband deployed I seriously thought the universe was against me. For some darn reason, everything in my house started to “fall apart”.

#1: I went overseas for three weeks to visit my parents. Upon my return my friend picked me up from the airport and told me that both of my cars batteries were dead and that her husband (bless him!) was at my house charging them. If I had come home and found this out on my own and didn’t have her around, I don’t know what I would have done. (Actually, I think I would have broke down and cried like a little baby.) I’m not going to lie; I don’t know how to charge my car’s battery, but I did learn that day. Her husband sat me down and explained it to me the “For Dummies”-style.

#2: An odd looking light went off in my car, I read the car’s manual and it was my tire pressure light. “Great! I don’t know how to put air in my tire.” I called a friend of mine and she tells me to bring my car over and her son will take a look at it. PERFECT! Well, that day I figured out what a tire gauge is and how to use it.

#3: We live on base housing and the ceilings here are rather high and I’m rather short (5’4 to be exact!) So the light in the living room goes out. GREAT! I have no light bulbs and cannot reach it for the life of me (Note-to-self: invest in a ladder). I called maintenance, with a slight embarrassing tone in my voice, asking them to come change the light bulb.

#4: My neighbors, when they feel like it, tend to leave their garage doors open, sometimes for the entire night. I never do, unless it’s me coming and going to the house to drop something off and get right back in the car. Well, apparently the only time I decided to do this a rabbit chose to move in. I didn’t notice this move until a few hours later when I went to make sure I had closed the garage door. All of a sudden I shrieked when I saw a teeny-tiny bunny hopping around. Don’t judge, you probably would’ve screamed too. After I got myself together, I opened the garage in hopes that this bunny would get out. Well, it didn’t. Hours later I am watching TV and hear something rattle in my garage. I call my friend, again, who brings her son with her so he could shoo the bunny away.

#5: I recently bought these cute outdoor Fleur de Lis’. I gather my husband’s tools and attempt to hang them up. Well, that attempt failed because I barely made a dent on the wall. I followed my failed attempt with an email to my husband expressing that since I have no upper body strength I could not hang up the wall décor and that this task would be waiting upon his return. The decors are accumulating dust as we speak.

You may read this and call me useless. Be that as it may, but I’m also not afraid to admit that I need help and that, as a woman, I sometimes need my husband to help with things around the house (please do not tell my husband this, he will never let me live it down.)

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7 thoughts on “Independent Woman?”

  1. Thank you soo much for telling it like it is! Before I was married, I was so independent, that my now husband sometimes got on my case for not letting him help enough!! Now that he’s gone this second time around, I realize how much I need him for, and I’m appreciative of that! I can survive and complete tasks without him, but especially since we’ve only been married a year and a half, I find myself second guessing things before I would’ve just done myself. Something as simple as decorating the house can drive me mad because I want it to look like our house, not my house. I’ve never subscribed to the idea of giving the man a corner to put his stuff in. 🙂 I don’t really know anyone where I am either, and last week my lawnmower died. Thankfully you can Youtube almost anything these days. Anyway, you made me both giggle and empathize, which is sometimes hard when you’re alone during a deployment, even in a military town. Thanks so much, and keep the articles coming! 🙂

  2. I feel the exact same way when I am left home alone. And when my husband is home, I like when he offers to do things around the house as well. Of course I could do those things if I wanted, but having him around makes him feel like the man and me feel like I’m taken care of. Both of us are happy.
    I do see that allowing this to happen might hinder me when he deploys though. Reading this makes me feel like there needs to be a little 101 with things around the house throughout the next couple of months. Especially before he deploys.

  3. Love this! Too funny!
    It never fails, when the husband leaves, everything breaks, falls apart, or moves in (animals that is). The week my husband left, the washing machine broke. After kicking a few things and loudly venting, I looked it up on the internet and with the help of YouTube, ordered the part and fixed it myself. That was a proud day!
    I remember asking him a million questions before he left, and I think the only one I got an answer to was how to start the lawn mower, which in turn led to a tutorial about how to add oil, fuel stuff, etc. That was enough for me to decide I really didn’t need to know how to use the mower and let someone else handle that one!
    I’m glad that I’m not the only one who feels like this though! I know that I can handle things and be independent, but I really don’t want to have to be and sometimes enjoy being taken care of!

    1. You just made me die laughing Kris, not because of your predicament but because of one I just had! The other day it got cold and I got in my car to go somewhere. My car wouldn’t start! So I got into hubby’s car. IT wouldn’t start!! To add insult to injury a couple weeks ago my dog was riding around with me and sneakily chewed through my car charger. Ok, she’s a puppy. I have a house charger, right? Yup, but not even 24 hours later she drug that one under my bed and chewed through that one too. Great! The 1st is a long way off mind you! So I scrounge up 9 dollars, which I know won’t be enough for even a generic wall charger. It didn’t end up mattering because they didn’t have the one for my phone in stock! Thankfully I found a cheap car charger which ended up being of no use to me when the car batteries died, so I sat here stranded for a couple days until one of my friends who’d been trying to call me, finally came by to see if I was alive! It’s funny now, but yay deplyoments! It makes me so happy to people who understand! I live off post in a big military town but I also barely know anyone here, so they can’t necessarily understand. Thanks for being my therapy ladies!

  4. Love this post. I agree in so many ways. I also feel like if the hubbie is dragging his feet, I can start the project and usually he will step in. Forst of all he is embarrassed that I started it and two he feels like he can come to my rescue and that makes him feel good. I will also stand in front of the tv, call him at work, and corner him until I get answers, lol. When he starts to get mad, I just say calmly, hunny, I don’t like to nag you anymore than you like to be nagged so if you answered or did these things the first time I asked, we would be here. I understand your frustration because that is exactly how I feel. Usually he apologizes and caves lol.

  5. Love this post. I agree in so many ways. I also feel like if the hubbie is dragging his feet, I can start the project and usually he will step in. First of all he is embarrassed that I started it and two he feels like he can come to my rescue and that makes him feel good. I will also stand in front of the tv, call him at work, and corner him until I get answers, lol. When he starts to get mad, I just say calmly, hunny, I don’t like to nag you anymore than you like to be nagged so if you answered or did these things the first time I asked, we would be here. I understand your frustration because that is exactly how I feel. Usually he apologizes and caves lol.

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