My husband and I had a deployment scare a few weeks ago. Out of the blue he received an e-mail that stated he would be a filler for another unit that was deploying in the next month or so. He went about it cool and collected as he always does.
-He made phone calls.
-Alerted family and friends and started to make arrangements.
I, on the other hand, was an absolute wreck. I’m not going to lie. I totally lost it. I sobbed uncontrollably. I was so upset that my husband left work so he could buy me lunch and give me a hug. All this time I thought I was so strong and would be prepared when the time came around again. I was wrong.
As his girlfriend/fiance, I’d already been through a deployment with him, but never as his wife. I was terrified. I was afraid for him, I was sad for myself and I was devastated at the thought of him missing another year of his daughter’s life. It just wasn’t fair. I’m so proud of his military career and support him 100% but at that moment, I wanted to be selfish and run away to Canada. Okay, maybe nothing that drastic but I was having a serious meltdown moment.
Times like these that make you realize how little control you really have as a military wife. My husband is in the Army Reserves and they usually know well in advance when they’re going to deploy, but suddenly he was getting plucked out of his unit and our lives were being turned upside down. He wasn’t happy about it of course, but he’s trained to keep his wits about him and roll with the punches. I however, am not. I apparently am a crying, blubbering fool when it comes to these things.
Luckily for me, his commanders were not too keen on the idea of his leaving to deploy with another unit, so they were able to substitute in a volunteer. I can’t tell you grateful I am. I’m human and I want my husband to stay here with me as long as possible. Honestly, when he does deploy again, I would feel a lot better if he was with his own unit. He knows them, they have trained together and trusts them with his life and because of that, I trust them with his life. Things like that make you a little more comfortable with deployment, and face it – anything that helps you feel a bit better about the situation is a blessing.
So now looking back on this experience, perhaps the next time he really does get deployed I will be able to maintain some sort of composure when I get the news. Yeah, I doubt it. I’ll probably lose it again because as I said before, I’m human. But I also know that life will go on, I will get myself together and put on my big girl panties and get through like everyone else does. It will be hard and I know I will have moments when I break down…but for the time being, I’m just extremely grateful that he’s still home with me.