Now that my deployment is coming to a close, another day I had dreaded came and left just as quickly, seeing around ten of my friends say “see ya later” to their husbands all on the same day. On said day, I woke up at 7 am with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Minutes later, I started crying. I knew there were three reasons for that. The first being the fact that my friends were now experiencing the pain I had felt so many months ago. I indeed felt that pain again that morning. Not just for them, but also for myself. The memories were overwhelming. The second thing that made me feel so much pain is the fact that one of my good friends deployed with the ship and I didn’t get to see him off, much less see him other then the 23rd of December so it bugged me. The final thing that had me feeling so frantic that morning was the interview I had. I was really nervous about it to start with, then the 4 hours of sleep and the fact that I was depressed had me worried that it may take my mental state out of my control.
I got myself together and headed out for breakfast with three of the girls whose husbands had just deployed. That part went much better then I expected it to but I still felt a bit of sadness in the air. After breakfast I headed to my interview and kicked its butt!
Even with my homecoming just around the corner, all I have been able to think about since that day is how I can be there for those friends. I want to do everything and anything to make this deployment as easy on them as possible but I know I can only do so much and I hate it. It even bothers me knowing that I will be so happy shortly after so many of my friends had their husbands deploy. It made me sad every time one of my friends had a homecoming, selfish I know, so I can only imagine my husband’s homecoming affecting some of them the very same way.
My goal, even after my husband comes home, is to be there for them as much as possible. So, when they need me, I promise to be there for them as much as I can be!