During this deployment I have struggled with depression. Now that my emotions are more in check, I have a bigger problem, my husbands are NOT. This being our first deployment I don’t really know if this is normal but I can say that I am doing my best to help him with my words. I now feel like this is the hardest part of deployment. Knowing my husband needs me and I can’t be there for him. It makes me feel helpless and that is not a good feeling. What my husband told me this morning made my heart drop to my stomach and I literally felt ill. Then, I cried, for the first time in weeks.
Knowing he is feeling so down right now makes me hate deployment far more then I hated it before. Before, I hated deployment because it meant separation. Now, I hate deployment because it’s stealing my husband’s wonderful smile. I know he needs to be there and I know he is fighting for the greater good and if it weren’t for men like him, our country would likely be in shambles, but, it doesn’t ease the pain of knowing I can’t be there for him when he needs me the most.
In the meantime, we at home usually have someone we can turn to when the going gets tough, worry free. We know our husbands can’t be there for us (physically at least) so we in turn have found someone who we trust. This person usually understands and we can pour our hearts out to them without worrying if they will judge us. Of course, we don’t want to dump our problems on our husband while he is fighting a war, now do we?
All we, as military wives, can do is pray and use our awesome words straight from the heart to make our military men feel better while they are away and I will keep doing just that until he is back here in my arms.